solution.

i suppose, after the inane ramblings of an absent loon - all that schizophrenic nonsense to follow (in backwards order if you keep reading into the depths of the mania that are posted online here) the enlightenment i found was what i had to begin with:

my personal solution:
a dear apathy for my own experience and prayers for the rest of the world, trying to work for the greater good and make people happy all the time, without care for seeing any of the results of my labor.
apathy here is not uncaring, it is important to love oneself. it is not minding that i will not see the results of my work. it is knowing that if i send enough good into the world than that is doing far and away enough good work. it is knowing that i have a roof and coffee when i need it, and not needing anything else.