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Positive Thoughts for a Better World:

There has got to be a way. These are the wide lenses that act properly. These tattoos will not go away, even though you are proudly a different person than you were when you got them. We have got to believe in hopeful nature. We must save for retirement. These realities are the worsening relationship for their hiding beliefs. These beliefs weigh them down, and therefore are held in high esteem. We, as a society, belong to the betterment of every person. We are all responsible for the life of the lowliest peasant on the globe. If you can make a persons life better, you should. There is a better world than this.

Every person struggles, and we need some sort of luck to be successful. You need to available to your luck, you cannot just sit there waiting. Feeling lucky is just tuning in to the opportunity, not worried that others will gain if you don’t. There has got to be a way to make everyone have their own opportunities, in the fields they wish to be in. Sadly, it is more difficult than that to explain away your troubles.

I went to the bank today, curious about making some money slowly but steadily. I feel it would be good to use the money from quitting smoking on something important, like building a money base to stand on independently. What am I going to build my future on, but my own hard work. This will help me take action in the future, and I would like to have more money. I think if I buy a Canada Savings bond every month or two, then I will save some money. It will not be in cash form, and will be harder to spend. I want to build a portfolio 50 dollars at a time. I think that will be possible for me.

To make a financial decision like this, I must decide to take a risk. It is worthwhile, because I will just spend that $50 a month, and if I lose everything in the stock market, I will have already lived without the stocks and been fine. There is no reason to not take this risk, and use the money that I am saving on quitting smoking to invest in my future. It is an inspirational note, too. I will be saving my health and growing my wealth.

That seems positive. It is all a mass of truth and destruction, the sort of fast acting right that takes us all by surprise. I want to save money, so I’d like to place at least part of my money in some sort of account that I am unable to reach. It’s just waiting, it’s allowing myself to spend my cash on a savings bond or mutual fund, raising my capital a bit and keeping me in the game. It will allow me to save money for the future. It will allow me to grow my world.

I can be bound by one of two emotions, love or fear. I have feared the banks, the financial world and such, but now I have decided to approach them with love, allowing myself the room I need to grow. It’s allowing me to believe within the righteous tomes. It’s allowing me to believe within the righteous tomes. There is nothing else left, just the emotion of love and the attempt at making my life a little bit better. It is always risky, but it is also possible that I will be able to make some money. It is more than gambling, it is something to do with a little bit of money a month, money that I will be without either way. This way at least I’ll be building something.

There is reasonable thought within this world. We have nothing more than that. We want to be able to support a group of people, we want to be able to bring their quality of life higher. I want to bring myself and my girlfriend great happiness, and this may be a way to help do that. I want to spread happiness on people, complete strangers. I’d like to be able to fund people’s need to eat. If I had money I’d give food to lots of people. Of course, I spend money on all sorts of restaurants - something that will only go up if I wind up having more money. Actually, I don’t see that going up very much. I already go as much as is comfortable.

My life is very comfortable. I live in a home and eat good food every day. I smoke as much as I want (although that is less and less every day). I cannot complain about the state my existence is in, but as is the case with all things, I want just a little bit more. I want some sort of security, so that I know that I will have a certain amount of savings on hand. I want this hope.

This is a shame because I want to be a writer. I want pain and suffering to make art with. This is the struggle of the artist, wanting fame, fortune and to be tormented endlessly always hoping that the next one will make you proud. Perhaps that is the path of investors, too. It may be the path of desire. Why do you want to be recognized? Why do we want the next big thing.

What do I want?

I want to be secure in my home and be able to stay in one location for a long time, i.e. buy a home. I want to be free from the restraints of a boss or any responsibilities. I want to sit and write, create something powerful, think, learn and process the world. I suppose I want those to be my responsibilities. I want to be a successful intellectual and artist. I want to work for Good. I want to help everyone somehow. I want to stay in love and feel peaceful. I want to quit smoking, as my sooner to be a wish.

Max says you can’t serve both G-d and money. I think it is possible. I once heard a wise man say, “You can feed more people with four billion dollars than you can with fifty cents in a jar.” It is good to have righteous intentions, and work within the society that has been pre-supposed. The bank was there before me. They have all the money. I want some of the money, so that I can do good things for people. It is easier for me to work with them than to break them down and build up something new. This is why we should always learn about what we are doing and make decisions based on the actions of others while starting something new.

This is the precept of a person who has given up his childish dream of saving the world, if you look at it in one direction, but the idea that we can work within this world to help it as we can, in another direction. The fear brings it one direction, the light and good of love brings it in another. Now, the question is, what are you going to worship? I suppose it doesn’t matter, because anything created by a human is inherently evil to begin with. We are far to stupid to create anything truly good. Even the best attempts at worship of good shoot rays of evil when looked at in a broadened form.

This is how it is with banks. They hold your money. It’s the economy, or something. I’m looking in to it. I’m beginning to learn. This is definitely a way to step up. Just having a meeting with the man in the bank does not mean I have to give him my money, but it will give me an idea what this whole thing is and hopefully an introduction into the world of money-getting. I remain stuck on the idea that I should live inside the system that already exists. It is better than betting my future on the luck of my good health and some sort of personal reflection that leads to a long string of physical action. I’d really rather write and think.

The trouble is, I am not as driven by monetary gain as many people. I want to learn about the secrets of the universe and try to know what it is that we are doing here. Gaining insight in a broad variety of topics is important to me, so I could never put the process of money-getting in front of the desire for knowledge. I suppose it should be a side project, though. The concepts of the economy and financial systems gives a large pool of things to learn about. Just like anything, they are made up by humans, noted by humans and are fundamental to only humans. Like this, it is not any different than learning about anything else.

I want to learn about birds, ancient Egyptian glyphs, physics, psychology and economics. I want to bring some sort of insight to the world, and be able to hold my own in an academic light. I want to hold on to some sort of great light, and give hope to the reader that he can make the world a better place, too. These sections are not for the hope, they are symbols about my origins, my spirituality and the obsession with being something further away from where I am today than I could ever imagine right now. I would love to go to school.

Which brings me back to my private economy. If I begin to save money in a way that I can’t touch it then I could hold it like a functional person, saving the hundred bucks a month I am not spending on smoking for a future that looks a little brighter. This should be joined with the sort of light reading and thinking that makes a fortune for me. This should remain an ever growing portfolio. It will help us afford coffee in the future, I am sure. It will give us some sort of security in our fortunate life. This will be my savings, done by buying one share at a time, and standing pat. It will be better than having a bunch of cash that I will just spend on coffee and pizza. If my past has taught me anything its that I spend my money as I get it. This time I will just spend my money on Canada bonds or something like that. This is the time to learn.

Do this with love. Do not live in fear. I suppose that is the most important lesson I am learning. Someone told me that long ago. I haven’t really understood it since the initial seed, although I have tried to. I am learning more and more now, and I think I am beginning to understand. There is much to this world. There is lot’s we are able to discover. There is nothing wrong with trying to make a little niche for yourself. I had to learn that, and I suppose it is why I’ve hid my dreams inside my body for so long. It makes life worthwhile, and my quality of life will increase with the gracious beginning of adulthood. This is a good thing.

I was afraid to tell people that I wanted to be an artist or a writer. I figured the best way to be one was to actually do the work, instead of wishing that I was one while working some other job. I don’t know why I was haunted with this decision, but even as I grew, when I spoke to friends defending my way of life I was not scared to say that I did work, but was scared to give examples. It felt like if he knew me at all he would know that I worked hard and writing and making art. Of course, even when I said that I was writing or making art, he told me it was a worthless trade and I’d be better being on welfare, living in a trailer park, and selling pot.

That doesn’t make him an awful person, but something else does. I’m not sure what it is, perhaps the amount of fear he lives in. It makes me afraid of him. He does not put much effort in to anything, and when I told him that I wanted to save money he told me to go the easy way. He feels you cannot serve money and God, and would like to serve God, (that is what he told me many years ago, I cannot be sure he still remembers it was his goal.) I believe he tries to learn, and he wants to be a Christian. I’m not sure if it is my delusions or perceptiveness that make me think he is a waster. What can you do with these people hanging around except excuse yourself and make something meaningful or learn about something new.

I read once that you hang out with people like yourself. That makes me wonder what he does that is like what I do, and makes me realize he probably thinks of himself in the way I think of myself. I remember while I was younger I thought we were, “Angels on stage, poor.” It was that I was not allowed to ask for money in return for my work, as it was a sin. The doctor says I am allowed to ask for money in return for my work, and that seems like a path to follow. It will sure help me save money, giving me cash to buy bonds and stuff.

Everyone wants your money. I want to publish more work, but that will take money. I wish I could find someone who will pay for my next book. That would be a great opportunity, but there is a fear in me in asking for that $100. What I have to do is love the fact that people give me money. I must think more of my past successes. It will make me think highly of myself. To get an agent to critique your work costs $100, too. It may be money well spent, but it likely will be a waste of $100. That doesn’t seem fair, but I guess you have to be a street sweeper or something for a little bit. It seems common enough.

They say that workshops are important to keep the arts moving. Each of these cost a certain amount of money. I should really have access to at least a thousand dollars at any given time, in order to live with the thousand-aires. That will be the marketplace that I will stand at for a bit but I would like to grow, so that I can look around and hopefully do something with my life. I will have money to audit classes at the college. I will be able to sign up for workshops. It will help me. If I have a little bit more, I will not be happier, but the actions with this goal is something to do with my time now that I’m an adult.

I suppose money buys things that make a person happy. A person can be happy without money and sad with money, so there is no direct link. Chasing after more and more money every day is not a way to be happy. One of the leading regrets of dying people is that they spent too much time at work, and not enough with their friends and family. Another major regret is that they were not able to be the person they wanted to be. I feel that savings will raise the amount of cash I have on hand, so I will be able to buy entry into some of the workshops and things that will help me grow in the direction I would like to.

That seems counter-productive, and I suppose it is going to take a while before I have a pocket full of cash generally, but if I save and save then I am sure I will have more money. To be sure, I will not be able to rely on my girlfriend’s paycheque while I try to fill my portfolio, so I will have to spend my money on groceries and such as well, but I’m not going to buy any more video games or tobacco, so that is something. It is about buying the things that you need, not just buying things to prove that you can. I suppose that is something that takes a few years of experience in the marketplace to learn. Perhaps I am on a normal trajectory for a person of my generation. I am learning and beginning to save before I am 30, so I suppose that is something.

I feel like I am responsible enough to hold on to a bunch of money now that I am older than I was when I spent freely, sure that more money for drinks would come. The mentality that I would get more money for drinks every time worked, but it made me a drunken poor man. I got lucky, and before I got old, someone believed that I could be a sober good person, so I took the opportunity and now I regret my mindless drunken behaviour. I have had two drinks in two years, so I suppose I am now ready to make something of myself. I was a drunken drunk while I was in that world. I am glad I have gotten around to making something better with my life. I hope my friends decide to do that too. They just got worse, so far. I have little to relate to them with. My communication skills are rising every day, and I still cannot have a real conversation with one of my friends. I hope he pulls around and does something positive with his life. I want to be a good example. I want to be a role model.

If I try this first, and am a little bit more successful generally because of the holdings, then I can help others start from the bottom as well. Then we will save for our futures and make peace with our now. We will all be better off for me making positive changes to my life. It has been true so far. The breaks came from breaks in being a good person.

I am still repenting for my mistakes in the past, and they haunt my thoughts every day. This happens, I think of them more than my successes. I will need to make a conscious decision to think highly of myself. A little more self esteem isn’t a sin, like it seems. This is a broken, fear based delusion that I cannot be above other people, that I don’t deserve success. This makes me work for free and get paid much less than my time should be worth. Why am I afraid of being successful? That is the question I must answer. Perhaps I was more effected than I thought by the song, “More Money, More Problems.”

Risk is a good thing. When you roll a dice, you do not know if you will win, but it is a real possibility. There is a spot somewhere that lasts like the last note. The man in Vegas who always does things to the fullest, losing his party money in a bet and going home with his savings in tact, knowing that even though he was up a thousand dollars at his peak, the money stayed in Vegas and he enjoyed the trip’s food. That is the key, you have to enjoy the present moment, but remain aware that there is a future. It’s less cute than saving nuts for the winter, it’s simpler than that. It’s buying things that you can cash in later, allowing you to have some savings if you spend all your money. That’s what I need.

One day, I will make a difference in the world. A good thing to do for people to take me seriously is to act like a successful professional. The more money I have saved, the easier it will be to let go of some of it. I like the idea of putting money away now, right now I think that might be what this blog turns to, but most likely not. It could be something like, “The Mentally Ill Guide to Saving Money” and I could discuss the spiritual wisdom of making money to feed others. It seems like something people do, so perhaps I could get in on this whole game too.


The Nice Man

There is, of course, a turbulent dream there. We have a supposed written world, and with it comes a sort of discourse. There, they say, is the grammar hall that haunted their later lives. In the sort of weaponized deconstruction of a rather well meaning portion of the stubborn little faces. It must be a silent one, and one day I will rest as well. We will all rest in a feeling. There is a necessary beast with many heads, rather gracious and well meaning. We have not discussed the level that had bound me to this quest, and as such I must describe that as a given time.

This is the eventual value, and the fundamental kind of warranted time, made to be badly weathered for the other sorts of kings. These kings are wrapped in festive wrapping, granting wishes for all because the weapons have finally become the lifeless bodies they were meant to be at the beginning. These people are glad the restaurant is still standing, so they can sign their cheques over to the other ones. We do not have a better world than this. There is neither an answer nor a reason to be found in the following letters, nor can they be watched by just anyone - you must be a special kind of seeker to find me here.

There must be a poetic reading of this, a kind of drunken fear that wraps my mind, turbulent as the weather goes. As she wished, we left the apartment. There was a sudden jump in my mood and the lights of my childhood brought me, forever impaired, to a place where I could stand to live no longer. There is a rather bothersome wrapping to this work, a sideways gash in my sternum where the stubborn notes never bothered to run. I could not see this, of course. There was only phlegm and body parts strewn across the lawn.

There must be a better note, something to write home about. There must be a whine withering within us, light as the notes they wanted. We cannot pause within that, as the servant can be replaced, so can the leader of the world. This is better done through safe measures, and that is what people like about this place we are in now. There is an illusion that our President is a fair and honest man. I cannot believe the rather dull note that came second.

It was scribbled on a piece of paper folded and wrapped in the sort of bible that watched me. I could not be sure of the purpose, just that it folded it’s weather like a direct decedent of the chocolate kind. There was nothing to it, really. Just the sort of weapons that watch the little kind burn. It helps that at any moment I can float away in my mind, curious of different things. There must be multiple places to go.

Whenever the hope comes, it dwindles and falters as I have another cigarette. The fact is, I am a broken person, hanging on to tobacco for dear life. I must make a better world than this for myself. I must believe in my mind and defeat myself in this addiction. The smoke is not the answer. It takes self control and discipline. These are the most important trails I can head down. We have no reason to believe it will hold me forever. I can live without them.

The manifestation of peace will take forever, and that is a good thing. There is a weight within me, that holds me to this way of life. It has taken on a life of it’s own, and the pain of not being held by the peaceful grip of nicotine causes greater harm than smoking. It is hurting me. I used to want to die, but not anymore. Now I am happy and want to live. I enjoyed the five hour break between smokes today. I want more time like that.


The Nosey Silence

The Nosey Silence
By Jon Pelletier

I heard myself speak to other today, just listened. It was a very off-putting experience. There was an eerie silence from me and I nervously judged myself. I can be very critical of myself. Things can be true from both directions. That is why the Felter and the Mage were such good friends. It is why the chambers of Distinct Reasoning were made from wages cut by the queen while she allowed the forgiving government to shut down. The stable men who wished to stand up for the Nervous Cloaks laughed because there was nothing opposing them. Ron Swanson was happy as well, with no government – the settlement was based on sheltered fates. He could walk away now and be happy.

There was an unsettling cause that desired to give up. There was a weapon of deceit, made with Detroit in the Shadow of St. Bartholomew. It was a sober weapon, like that which tore through the love within the savage dates. There was a morning within the memory of a girlfriend, and some good times though which they were able to stay together. They want the other way, to be torn asunder forever. There is some light in that. Although, one can’t be stuck – they must keep moving forever, as change is inevitable. I don’t want to think that I will not forever be with her, but at the very least one of us is going to die. There is a tome dedicated to her, from which I will describe the last ones.

I missed a meeting because of E. Erikson but I had a macaroon so it was worth it. The chaotic part is that we need to write. We need to make music. It is the only way to fight these demons of my mind. The unsettled dream I have is different. They are but sketched marks, robots and silent people. I must share with the little highs, the heads of which are within me keeping these silent places that make their spot tolerable. He is I, and that makes me want to smoke. This is the shame, the shape of these ropes. I cannot be compelled to look. That is the turbulent chaos in this.