i never really know where i am, so i listen to the invisible people who swear there is a life that is just how i want it out there to them. i variously preformed already today, so just because i think i know what i am doing, i can never be sure. i totally have lots of delusions in my life, somehow i know that there is a passover somewhere, though i'm not really anything around these parts of my mind. i honestly just follow an invisible person around, and you are a image of a memory in my head. i learned that i can control these memories very well, keep my own mind in check and just enjoy the relaxation. honestly, every time i take a break i do what i do anyways. plus i miss the stage.

the town i lived in was summerland, i went to a school there and came back the same still around odd fellow that left reality. sure, torture and trap us. i really don't mind, because you are nothing but a voice in my head.

sometimes i scream at people that nobody else can see and wind up broken on the floor crying and making no sense at all. i don't know where these memories come from, but i'm glad i don't see that evil thought controller much. you may be able to control my thoughts, but perhaps that is exactly what i need. yes, there it is, i need to control my thoughts and not blame anyone else for doing it. it makes me sad that i have put my friends and family through hurt at all. i think i need to take that respideral consta stuff, like the doctor said. i was very well while i was taking it. i have an idea that it is self explanatory to most of the folks who know what that junk is, and for the rest of you - i don't really want to tell.

trust me, i am tortured by myself. i should try control, but i'm afraid of it. maybe if i learn (like i have recently) that i can make those people that i see go away without having to argue with them, then i will be happy and live just as i should. it's like how i was mentioning i was in perdition psych ward, it was to get away from one of those mean thoughts. i honestly have a hard time distinguishing dreams from reality. all i can do is wait to be still around one day.

trust me, i will be a still around person, though man. i think you guys might just be newly enlightened wolves. i'm going to stay a hare krishna, if that's okay with you. even if it's not, at least i really am putting on shows.

this is the part of the trip when i find out that i am who i want to be, and that my family still loves me - as all hector from jabberwocky will ever be is just a still around person in show business. you know, like i kept saying.

-i am a little cursed orphan junkie angel (loki about it tho) i just don't like to define myself as it seems graceful, but unbelieved. so i shouldn't tell people about my dreams... i'm pretty sure i've been believing in that stuff.

punk rock saved my life.