Pillars of light

How is it that we are to become beacons of light in the world, and be able to literally save the world from it's destruction?  Do we allow the world to be destroyed, thinking it is too far gone so we might as well throw our bottles into the woods and hope they break?

How do we at least cause the world to be better, and free the people from this endless suffering that haunts all the people that choose to come to this place? How do we live the life's purpose of creating a place that people will be happy to exist in, thereby allowing us to live comfortably and peacefully within it? Do we withdraw from existence and move to a monastery in the woods or do we try and work within the system to heal this planet's broken heart? Does it come from meditation or are we pretending to be saints when we are just seeking pleasure and escape from the world, experiencing delusions from drug-addled minds? How do we use our gifts to make the world a better place, not for selfish gain, but for the greater good of all humanity?

These are the questions that keep me up at night. This is why I study the books I have studied. I care little about my personal salvation. I care about the holiness and salvation of the world as a whole. There was a time when I thought that the cure was to banish those who are destroying the planet to the planet of their making, in a sort of ironic and schizophrenic egomaniacal state, in which I had the power to judge them… These days have passed, and I feel today that I need to think long and hard about how to fix this place through theories that even the powerful people will think are good for the whole great work here. We need to find a way to play both sides, to convince the powerful people that it is in their benefit to create a world in which everyone is fed and has water to drink, a world in which peace and prosperity comes to as many people as it can and is divine in the way that the universe can be.

I have heard that there is a balance to everything. Everything has it's equal and opposite reaction. There is no one sided person (imagine a person who only had it's left side, it is absurd). I think that with the balance, the opposite of everything I am trying to do is someone is trying to prove that it is better to starve and torture and maim the poor, to get rid of them entirely. This is the world we live in. I'm sure it was good, because there was an artist who for years tried to create ugly works of art that were beautiful on the inside. That is the opposite of what I was doing, I think. How am I suppose to convince the powerful that it is in their best interest to create a world that is loving and kind to all it's people? How do I become a pillar of light?

There is purpose in all this. There are people who are unjustly trapped in prisons both of someone else's making and their own. These prisons are real and unreal. Some people find solace in leaving their heads through abject drug use and think that is the key to real happiness, something that we have both tried and found that it does not exactly do what we think it will. It is a selfish and shallow state of affairs within which we prove time and time again that there is no hope to this planet. I think that drugs have been placed here by the powerful, in order to keep us occupied, so that we don't seek spiritual salvation and municipal equality. People get lost in their own shitty lives and seek truth and purity through them. I love drugs as much as the next guy, but I am just writing what I feel needs to be stated. I don't think they create actions and effects that cause the world to be better for everyone. I think they create a temporary relief from the pains of the world, but I think with less psychoactive chemicals one can get more done that is very important… I think I write better sober than drunk, is all… You may feel otherwise, but think about the reality, does anything important actually happen while you are high? It never did for me, I just wasted my time. I wish I could take drugs and write, and I suppose I couldn't find myself in this position without being a druggy at one point, so everything happens for reasons beyond my control and I am creating a world for myself by now… But this rambling nonsense and not important. Maybe I will get high…

I am trying to believe in myself, here. I am trying to create a project that must belong to the others, eventually. I want to create a philosophy or a book that will free the people from their intense suffering. I want to use music, art and writing to free the world from suffering. This is my goal, and has been my goal for a long time, but I have decided to keep it in my consciousness, right up front, to free up the subconscious for things that need to be stewed over. Ok, I'm going to smoke a little weed now, maybe it is going to cause enlightenment. Who knows?

How am I to be a pillar of light?

They tell me that if you want to be something, you have to define exactly what it is you want to be. What do I mean by A Pillar of Light? It is a form of happiness. This is a peaceful being that has contentment in the simple knowing that I am a creature of light and love to be blessed in everything I do. They say this is true about all people, and that in the not knowing that truth we find all our folly. In the unknowing of it, we find that we act as if we are what we are conditioned to believe ourselves to be. This conditioning comes from a lifetime of trying to act a certain way and thinking that there is a proper way to act that is not our innate being. This is the peer pressure throughout our whole life. No matter what age I have been, I have felt pressure to be someone else, someone better than me. Whether it is to get a job in order to pay the bills, which is essentially doing someone else's bidding for a certain amount of time in return for a small pence. I should be looking for a job right now, but I have found my purpose, and a goal to work towards, so that is something…

I think one can be a pillar of light in an occupation for someone else. One can be happy or unhappy anywhere. You must enjoy your life, and that is a choice. There are things that you can change about yourself, and things that you can not change about yourself. There are choices that we can make in what we do. We can view the pentagram pointing towards heaven, or down to hell, but in the end it is just a shape. There is no place for the others here, but it could be that we all have the options to be anyone, because all men are created equal and it is our education and the experiences that we have which creates us. It is difficult to say for sure.

I can pretend to be someone who I am not, like some other great artist alive today, disassociating from my world and not allowing my imagination to become true because I think that I am already that great artist. Even in doing so, I do not escape from my form and I set myself up to be let down by reality. I then usually become depressed, which bothers my lover because she is happy to exist in the world where she knows me. I must then explain that she is in my other reality, and that things are all in both realities. Everything is the same in the other world I enter, except for some invisible people who are regularly apparent, yet only in my mind. The difference is that I am more successful in the invisible reality, and that it goes back to feeling depressed about not being able to provide all that I should.

This is the balance of the universe. This is proof that we must emulate God and be creative, in order to create a world that is all that it can be, not avoid reality. Focusing on myself creates this. It doesn't help if you do it too much, it just picks at the scabs. I educated myself for selfish reasons, in part, but it seems like I am now forced into a position in which I will be able to help the world on a large scale. I used to just write over and over things like, "What the hell is wrong with me?" It was as if I was looking for something to be severely wrong with me and when I couldn't see it, I created a world that I had to overcome great obstacles, instead of the obstacles that were placed in my way in the good of creation. That is something, isn't it?

How is it that we are to be pillars of light? I think it comes from creating a world that we are glad to be a part of. I think it comes from healing our little part of the creation. This is the only way that we can learn our reality. This is the only way that we can transcend things like the stigma of mental health and the oppression of the mental health system. I am literally just seeing God when I go there, and I know that is true about your mania as well. I am believing in my divine provenience, I think. I am believing that I am a true creation of the light here to save the world. I am seeing another reality within which I can save the world and free the sad and poor people of their suffering. I should not say that the mental health nurses and psychiatrists are oppressing us. They got into this trade because they are interested in that divine provenience. They are curious about the mind and therefore the divinity of humans. These people want to help us feel better, they are pillars of light in their own right. How is it that their trying to help us is causing us so much trouble? How does the balance of the world effect these things?